Revenge

Posted by Molly

Before I had children, I worked for many years as a promo producer for a documentary television channel.  The hours I spent watching documentaries at work made such educational television completely uninteresting to me at home.  Instead, in my off hours, I always preferred soapy dramas and E! News specials.   The majority of my favorite shows are what many would called "guilty pleasures" and my very favorite airs later tonight - it's called Revenge.   It's about this girl whose father was set up by rich people in the Hamptons to take the fall for their crimes.  He died in prison for a crime he didn't commit and now his daughter, Amanda, is an adult and has gone back to the Hamptons with a new secret identity to seek revenge on the people who ruined her father's life and took him away from her.  Every minute of the show is awesome.  In real life, however, revenge isn't nearly as sweet.



Last week my 4 year old, Charlie, and I spent a morning in court as the witnesses for my father's divorce.  Well, actually, I was the witness and Charlie was just my really cute date.  My father married his now ex-wife in September of 2006.  It was her fourth marriage and all of her husbands are still living so the whole "till death do us part" vow is apparently not her thing.  My dad was blindsided and devastated by the end of their union.  I was so sad for him but I wasn't shocked that it happened. His wife had shown her true colors to me every time she was around my children and felt the need to remark "seeing how they act makes me really glad I never had kids".  I'm the first to admit my children are rascals but they are fantastic, adorable, loving rascals.  Anyone who could look at them and say that has a dark, sad heart. 

So, anyhow, we went to court last week.  The purpose of the hearing was simply to bear witness to the fact that since she left my dad on March 13, 2011, they had remained separated with no hope of reconciliation.  His ex was not required to be there but there was a chance she would be.  Prior to the hearing, I went over and over what I would say if I saw her.  None of it was very nice.  And it was really an exhausting waste of time because in the end she didn't show and the divorce was granted without any kind of ugly scene.

That afternoon when it was over and I was home with Charlie I thought I would feel happy.  Happy that my dad was done with that woman and that her toxic presence was gone from my life but that's not how I felt.  I felt sad.  Sad that my dad had to go through such a terrible ordeal again.  First he loses my mom tragically, then he finds someone else and she breaks his heart.  Sad that for a quick second it looked like my kids might have a shot at two grandmothers but unfortunately the stepmother my dad choose ended up being fairytale evil.  Sad that there are people in the world who miss out on the joy of love because for one reason or another their hearts are so dark and nothing we can do can change that.  And I realized, had she shown up in court and given me the chance to sting her with one of my well practiced verbal barbs, the only person who would have been hurt by that would have been me. 

Revenge is a great TV show but the desire for it in real life does nothing good.  I still can't forgive my dad's ex-wife.  I've been trying for a year and I'm just not there yet.  Honestly, I'm not even close.  I pray to Jesus and to Mary to help me find the strength to forgive her and I know they want to help but maybe I'm just not ready yet.  And I think God understands that.  I think if I were to die tomorrow without forgiving her that God would understand because he knows I'm weak but I'm trying.  Trying, earnestly, is the important part.  Life, and living it with God at the center, is not always easy.  But if you keep trying to reach a state of grace, the effort is worth it.