Finding the Joy in Mother's Day

Posted by Molly

Pictured: My mother, Marianne McCarthy.

The idea behind Mother’s Day is a beautiful one but for those of us who have lost our mothers, it can be a really difficult day. For me it’s a day that fills me with an overwhelming sense of dread.

I never begrudge anyone else their happiness, but I have to admit that seeing all the little children at Mass with their mothers and grandmothers and occasionally even great grandmothers sends me into a bit of a self pity spiral. I can’t help but ask did my children never get to meet their wonderful grandmother while the children in the pew across from us are with their two full sets of grandparents? It doesn’t seem fair. But God always has a plan and I know in my heart that I have to trust it. Sometimes it’s just hard.

After my mom died and before I had my own children, I used to try to sleep through Mother’s Day. I would literally hide under the covers all day until the Monday after Mother’s Day arrived and it was safe to come back out. But when you are a Mother, you can’t hide from anything. Especially a day when your children want to celebrate you. For me, Mother’s Day is more about them then me. I participate because I know that’s what they want and when you’re a Mother putting other people first is a way of life.

A few years ago when Mac was three and Charlie was one, we had to go to a birthday party out near where my Mother is buried in Davidsonville on Mother’s Day Weekend. I am not a big cemetery person. I believe my mother is an angel in heaven so I don’t need to go to the cemetery to talk to her. But when I’m in Davidsonville, I always feel like it would be disrespectful not to stop by and say a prayer for her. So that Mother’s Day weekend my family and I went to the cemetery. 


I stood by my mother’s tombstone with tears in my eyes feeling completely alone, the way cemeteries make you feel. And then I felt a little hand in mine and looked down to see Mac. He smiled at me and said “do you want me to say a prayer for your mom?” I nodded and he began to shout

“Thank you for the world so sweet.

Thank you for the food we eat.

Thank you for the birds that sing.

Thank you God for everything.”

The prayer that the little St Raphael’s Nursery School children say before snack and lunch bunch was not exactly the kind of prayer I usually say at my mother’s grave but it was perfect. My husband and I burst out laughing and I swear I could hear my mother laugh, too. And I was so grateful for this little boy who could shine light on even my darkest moments.

So this Mother’s Day, I am concentrating on being thankful. Thankful for the wonderful chance that God has given me to be mom. Thankful for the two beautiful, special little boys who brighten my days. And thankful for their very special Guardian Angel who I know keeps them safe. 

My time with her was too short but to paraphrase Shelby from Steel Magnolias, “I’d rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special”.

Happy Mother’s Day!