Understanding my temperament and my spouse's

by Veronica G

In Genesis 2:18, "The Lord God said: "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him."   Sometimes I wonder, could God have messed up?  Could God have made my husband and I unsuitable for each other?  I learned some things this week that are giving me new hope.

I've had a rough, rough week.  My husband and I kept fighting, and I just felt so low and sad.  I felt stuck in the muck of the rest of our lives. How were we going to be happily married if our fights were over tiny things? These tiny things were the tone of how I said something - that really upset him, or his constructive criticism remark that wasn't sandwiched between complimentary things - which made me feel worthless and unappreciated.  Really, our fights were small, but we couldn't get out of our hurt feelings.  We also couldn't get out of how we kept hurting each other for practically no reason.  This week was awful.

In the midst of my miserable week, I saw the latest blog post, Understanding the Four Temperaments.  I tried the quiz and I easily found my type.  I learned a little about myself, but was mostly interested in my husband's temperament.  Later that day, I asked him to take the quiz.  As I read the paragraph about this type, my understanding of this man that I've known for 12 years changed!  We have many good qualities, but when we are "off" in our relationship, its usually because we are stuck deep within the negative characteristics of our dominant traits.

I explored the website of Art and Laraine Bennett, the authors of the book, The Temperament God Gave You, and The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse.  I was smitten, and being the Sanguine Temperament that I am, I bought the book, The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse on the spot via Amazon Kindle.  I started reading it last night and this morning, I'm on page 114 of 184.  I feel so enlightened. I can see so many of our traits, and many of our problems - which are usually where our traits clash. I also see many solutions.  --- and I've read A LOT of relationship books!

I can see so much of myself and my relationships in the text. I can see why I am attracted to my opposite husband. I'm also learning some helpful hints in communicating with him.  People really are different, and I'm excited about trying out the new skills I'm learning. 

Also, I can see why I never really "got" my dad and brother. I can also see other people in my life who I was drawn too, or repelled from - not really knowing why.  I think that having this book will help me in my interpersonal communications and help to make me more understanding of others.  

Art and Laraine Bennett are coming to St. Raphael's School - downstairs in the All-Purpose Room- this Thursday, November 7. The talk is open to all parishioners, and will be very revealing.  I'm working on getting a babysitter, and I can't wait to go. Although the talk is about "your children" (and I do have children) I find most parenting tips help me understand other people as well.  I'm looking forward to this talk on helping myself and others develop virtues! 

7:30-8:15         The Bennett's will be speaking on the topic of:

           "Understanding Your Children So That They Can Acquire Virtues"
8:15-9 Q&A and Book Selling

Try to make it if you can!  

-images courtesy of the Bennetts and Tetra images