The Wisdom of the Wild

Posted by Molly

I've said it before and I will say it again, my sons are wild. Sometimes off the charts wild. There are days when 7pm rolls around and I am counting the minutes till I can put them to bed because they just exhaust me. I watch other children who sit quietly in Mass or at restaurants and I wonder "what do their parents do that I'm not doing?" I dream of a day when I can stand around in the school lobby or at the pool or the park and just chat with other moms without having to police my kids so that they don't end up breaking their necks or someone else's.

I have a friend who also has children who are on the endearingly rambunctious side and I told her that I am always so happy to run into her when we both have our kids with us because she makes me look like crazy. She laughed and said she worries that people think she's "the nice mom who can't control her children".

I thought about this later because this friend really is one of the nicest people in the world. In fact, many of the sweetest, gentlest women I know have children who often run amok and I don't judge any of them so why do I judge myself? Why do I beat myself up worrying what other people are thinking when my kids are loud or excited or rambunctious?


The thing is I know I am a good parent. Regardless of how it looks when I'm chasing them all over town I don't let my children run wild. I do discipline them. I just choose my battles because these boys arrived in my life full of spit and vinegar and I do not think it is my job to try to change them. Sure, I need to reign them in but I would never want to crush their powerful spirits because those little devils have heart.

They love as a hard as they play. They have empathy that was born in them the same way that their rascally tendencies were. I'm sure people look at them and think "God bless her for having to deal with that" but those people are wrong. God did bless me. He chose me to raise these rascals because he knew I could handle it. And He was right. I thank God every day for trusting that I was up to the challenge of raising these boys. It is the greatest gift of my life.

This past Palm Sunday at Mass it was standing room only and, as you know, the Gospel on Palm Sunday is long. My husband was out of town and I was alone with the boys. We were standing with a friend of mine, who was also without her husband, and her three small children. The kids were trying their best to be good but they couldn't really see or hear what was going on from where we were standing and they were distracted by one another. My friend and I tried to keep them as under control as possible while still paying attention to Mass ourselves. It was a struggle but one we felt was worth it because we're both firm believers that regardless of how wild children are they need to go to Mass.

There was a woman standing nearby who kept giving us what my husband refers to as "the stink eye". If you've ever given it or gotten it, you know what I mean. At the end of Mass, when the announcements were being made, she walked over to the littlest of our children, a boy who was not yet 2, leaned down so that her face was right against his and loudly shushed him. The little boy was frightened and ran to his mother. I prayed to God for the strength to keep my Irish temper from erupting in the church during Lent and hurried my boys to the car.

As we were driving home, Mac asked "why was that woman so mean?". I told him that she did not think any of the kids were behaving very well during Mass and for some reason she chose the smallest to make an example of which is the way that bullies behave so it was not very nice. I tried not to let my voice show how upset I was but I must have sounded sad or mad because a few minutes later Mac said "well, people who act that mean usually have something sad going on that we don't know about so I guess instead of being mad we should say a prayer for her". I immediately teared up because I realized that I was judging that woman the same way she was judging me while my wild 5 year old son was easily finding empathy for her. And in that moment thanks to my child, I was able to forgive her.

I am sure that woman drove home from church continuing to pass judgement on me and my children. I wonder what she would think if she knew we drove home saying a prayer that whatever was making her heart sad would get better.

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;" - Luke 6:37