Food for Thought

Posted by Molly

In the past few weeks, many of the people I care about have experienced either the joy of a new baby or the sadness of losing someone close to them. All of us who have children know that the arrival of a new baby brings so much happiness, but it also leaves you pretty exhausted. So when one of my friends has a baby, my first response is always to send food! Food is also my first response when someone is grieving but for slightly different reasons.

With new moms, they really do need the meals, especially if they have older kids to feed so sending food makes sense. With people who are grieving, however, hunger isn't always a natural urge. When my mother died in 1997, I completely lost my appetite and with it ten pounds in two weeks. I can be as vain as anyone else but that weight loss was no victory. If I could have my mom back, I would gladly take on any amount of extra weight with no chance of losing it. Almost fourteen years later not a day goes by that I don't miss her. Even for people like us who are lucky enough to possess the faith that our loved ones wait for us in Heaven, death is hard.

And because I have experienced losing someone who was the center of my world, I have a lot of empathy for others when they suffer such a loss. I want nothing more than to make it all better for them, but having been there I know that I can't so instead I cook. When I bring food to those who are grieving it's almost more for me than it is for them. Sounds selfish, I know, but it's not. The person who is grieving, whether or not they eat the food, feels a little less lonely and the person cooking feels a little less helpless.

My son's class at St. Raphael's Nursery School just welcomed three new babies in the same week!  One of the moms had been on bedrest for several weeks before her baby was born and the other class moms had helped her out with dinners while she awaited the arrival of her own mother to help her. When the babies arrived, we put together some dinner trains for the two moms who did not have their own mothers here to help. The mother who had been on bed rest instisted on helping out with the dinner trains for these other two moms. She was so grateful for the help she had been given that she just wanted to give back. The other moms felt guilty having someone with a new baby make dinner for them, but I explained that really it was for her as much as it was for them. So they accepted and everyone was happy.

Food is comfort. But the true comfort at the beginning and the end of our lives comes from the people here on earth who love us. And showing that love feels as good to the giver as it does to the receiver. I have found that the moments in life I remember with the most fondness are the ones that involve the small gestures that let us know we're not alone. And that we're loved. Share that love with a meal or a note or a hug. Once you start you won't want to stop because love feeds us. And meals should be shared.

Photo Credit: Photo by Louis Beche